im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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