Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
