I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
