Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
