I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
