My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
