took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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