I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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