i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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