I'm pants shitting drunk right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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