just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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