Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
