I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
