Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
