I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
