david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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