I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
