Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
