i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
