I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
