I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
