Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
