Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found the puke drawer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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