i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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