You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
