His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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