I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
