I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
