I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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