yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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