Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
