fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
