Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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