So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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