Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
