keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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