if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
