like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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