Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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