The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
