I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
