I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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