i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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