Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
