We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
