I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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