This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
