yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
