bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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