I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
