I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
